61 Days of Torture as Told by A Daddy Dog
Posted by BJ's Blog - I've Got Lhasatude at 11/13/2007 2:50 PM and is filed under BJ's Blog Posts - General 
As promised in my last post, more of catching you up on my past few months and the pregnancy of my new wife Zoe.
When last we spoke, Zoe and I had just been wed, and as happy as she was with the nuptials she was as equally unhappy with the ensuing pregnancy. Now, I'll grant her this, I too would have been unhappy with the state in which she found herself some six days after our union. In fact I was unhappy, as her "state" directly affected my own.
For those of you, humans, who are not familiar with the gestation period of us canines let me state flatly and emphatically it is 61 days. Not 60, not 59... heaven forbid it be 62! It is 61 torture filled days from the moment of conception to the moment of birth and the male suffers every moment of it!
Zoe, who arrived considering herself far above me in social stature furthered herself in that belief as it was discovered she was to have my pups. Her attitude was bad, and it worsened on day six when she started what you humans call "morning sickness".
Yep, that was the morning my life as I knew it ended. There, in the brilliant rays of summer sunshine as the kibble hit my bowl and my mouth watered in anticipation of the first chomp came that "sound". You all know what "sound" I am referring too.. and you all know what that "sound" can do to ones appetite!.
Now, I know what you humans are thinking..."dogs eat disgusting things all the time." We gnaw on old bones, buried in the dirt for months. We eat worms, grass, grubs, and an occasional bug or two. But, there is a HUGE difference between the wonderfully marinated morsels of a long buried bone and that "sound". A bug is sweet and tender, but that "sound" churns your system into jelly.
I could have adjusted to that "sound" if it had only been once a day,OK, maybe twice. But Zoe made that "sound" from the time her royal paw hit the bedroom carpet in the morning until the last wag of her regal tail at night. For the hours between she paced , she drooled, and she picked on ME!! Our conversations went something like this.
"Zoe, you want to chew on the bone?"
"NO! Why would I want to chew on the bone when my stomach hurts?"
"I don't know, maybe it would make you feel better."
"Feel better? How would that dumb bone make me feel better."
"Ah, um-m, maybe take your mind off it?"
"I'm PREGNANT... P R E G N A N T ! It's your fault you know, you did this to me!"
"My fault?"
"Your fault! You Cur!"
"Cur?? OK,whatever you say dear. I'm going to chew on the bone for awhile since you don't want too"
"NO YOU ARE NOT!!"
"Why, you don't want it?"
"Because you'll get it all slobbery!!"
"So?"
"So, I don't want to chew your slobber!"
"But you don't want to chew it..."
"I do NOW!!" and with that she would whack me on the head with her regal paw, take the bone and stomp off somewhere.... somewhere .... where moments later would come that "sound".
My appetite for bones has been ruined forever by memories of her paw and that "sound".
As the days progressed that "sound" finally went away and was replaced with a different sound. The new "sound" sent a different chill down my spine. It was the sound of food being consumed at a rapid rate... all food... any food.... any scrap, any morsel, any stray piece of kibble.. instantly disappeared into her mouth. She ate anything, and yes EVERYTHING she could lay her lips on!!
Nothing was sacred! All my treats that I had tucked away around the house... GONE!! All those little snacks we canines store for a mid-night snack... CONSUMED!! All those little scraps we tuck away so the humans won't know we've been helping the little humans with their brussel sprouts.. tracked down and DEVOURED!! Nothing was safe, and the humans begin to feed her "special" food in ADDITION to all she stole from us.. Yogurt, cottage cheese, vegetables, rice, chicken, roast beef and eggs were all prepared for "the princess" and her "condition".
Her condition? I was suffering a bit of a condition myself. She whacked me at every possible opportunity. She stole my treats and shoved me out of the television watching chair. She even took over the most comfortable spot on the humans bed AND got extra tummy rubs !!
I have never lived such a long 61 days as those this past summer while Zoe carried our pups. Oh, and my fellow blogger there is more... soooooooo much more!! Mood swings! Hair cuts! Whelping boxes! Vet visits and ultrasounds! Stinky pre-natal vitamins and special "stuff" added to wet food. The list is endless and alas, I suffered each new phase of pregnancy one miserable day after another...
More on this ....torture of daddy dogs on my next post.
Barks and Butt sniffs to all
B.J.
Gosh, BJ..... maybe I want to get neutered.... Jazzie
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Gosh Jazzie, tank says NO! .Palmo
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